The Day I Realized How Much I Missed Home

I haven’t blogged recently, because in all honesty there has not been much to blog about. I started a summer job that I sincerely enjoy on many different facets, but there is not much to say there, other than it is fun to work where you like to play, and it is a huge blessing to get along with my awesome boss and co-workers. Other than that, life has continued to trod along.

I continue to try to find my niche in this new place. I knew that starting over is hard work, but I have never really started over like this before. So many people expressed there concerns to me about the move over here, and one of the main points was that of suffocation. I understood them then, and I understand them now. There are many things over here that bring out the true vibrancy of life, and make me see how beautiful certain things are. I discover new things about my thoughts, beliefs, ideas, and myself almost every day. I am once again forced to look at life with a new pair of glasses on. There are days when I think that I can’t do this. That I won’t make it for one reason or another. Some days it is something plain silly like how horrible inland US drivers are. (I might write a whole post about this to get it out of my system at one point). Other days it is the feeling of isolation so intense that it literally makes me physically ill. On those days, the bad ones, Jesus and I have some tough conversations.

What fascinates me, is through those conversations, I never feel the need to run away, to concede defeat, or to become downtrodden. He truthfully blesses me in so many different ways. The thing is, today, I let myself stop and just think. I had a day off a work, and we are in a miserable heat wave, so I did close to nothing. Doing nothing is very dangerous. The heat is also very dangerous. Not one of us enjoys hot weather, and it tends to only increase our hot tempers.

After a rather stimulating conversation, solitude was needed, but no matter what, one thing or another ruined it. I just didn’t understand why I was so upset. I honestly could normally care less about things like kids screaming around the water or such. What was eating away at me. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I missed my kiddos. The ones that wormed their way into my heart like they were my own for so many years now. I missed seeing people I know at the grocery store. I missed knowing my best friends were just a small drive away. I missed the sense of belonging. I missed my home.

I have been homesick before. It is a natural occurrence whenever you up and leave the place that holds so much of your heart. Jesus and I have talked about this too, and the cool thing is that I know he gets it. He gets the grief. He knows how much I want to hug the kids and play with them. He knows how much it sucks to be separated from your happy place. The feeling of being alone isn’t that bad when I remember that. I watch this new world that I am now a part of, and watch to see what he would have me do here; his plans to continue to bring joy in place of sorrow.

I know I will always miss home, where you grow up is a special place that nowhere else can touch your heart in that way. But I also know that life is always an adventure, and I don’t do well doing nothing. I miss home, but I am excited to see how this unfolds.