I was sitting around today, and as per usual, writing out song lyrics on lecture handouts, when my mind completely blanked. The drollness of the lecture would usually cause this happen, and the stimulation of accessing the lyrics locked around in my brain usually keeps this from happening, but not today. I was in the middle of finishing the last verse of Last Kiss by Pearl Jam, and my mind just froze. No thoughts, no words, just a whole bunch of blank nothingness. I am going to choose to blame the fact that the lecture in the background was fit for a kindergartener. So I did something that I hate myself for. I googled the lyrics to a song that I know I know, and then the unthinkable happened. The first three hits on Google were links to a Taylor Swift song with the same name, followed by one link for Pearl Jam, followed by even more TSwift links! Now, do not get me wrong. I love Taylor Swift as much as the next girl, but even to me this was beyond depressing. It started to make me think about the culture that I live in today; a culture of the here and now, shallow and easy, of lazy and not bothered.
Where does talent and hard work come into play anymore? Lets be honest, thirty years ago, the idea of Justin B…whatever his last name is, would be not only laughable but deplorable. Now this goes so much further than just music though. I think of how we handle life in general. It really is quite devastating. Scapegoats have existed since the dawn of time, but it seems that we are brought up now to constantly use them. If there is a way to get out of what you have done, to blame shift, to use a scapegoat, it is glorified. Life is cheap and easy. I find it to be depressing.
I have sat back and watched an academic institution act this way for the past two months. A place of higher learning, succumb to the pitfalls of morality of modern society.
I have always been a people watcher. I do not remember a time when I did not enjoy it. However, I have not only always been a watcher, but an analyzer as well. I like to sit back, watch, assess, and analyze people and their actions. Sometimes this is not an actual physical view of what is going on, but reading articles or listening to other people’s life situations. The thing is, if you are in the habit of doing these things, you automatically start making tables and weighing measures in your head. So when you see a situation happen, you have a presupposition of how it could be handled, and what are good or bad actions to take. It can be a useful thing to use, but at other points in time, I find ignorance to be truly bliss.
I have found life over here to be beyond difficult this term for those reasons. As more than one extremely negative situation has arisen, and in my mental charts and measures, the actions following them have been severally lacking. So what does this mean for now and the future? It means that I am dealing with frustration daily. It means that I have some very rational and righteous anger, and some very irrational and unrighteous anger to deal with. It means that every single morsel of trust that was even slightly placed is completely shattered, and probably will never really be replaced. However, through it all, there are irreplaceable life experiences that continue to grow and shape who I am in faith and myself. I count my blessings that my faith has not faulted through it all, well my faith in God at least. It just reaffirms to me that He is my firm foundation, and that everything else is going to crumble and fall, including me. And even though Taylor Swift is no more important than Pearl Jam to Google, well His love will persevere.
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